I didn't shave. On purpose
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Liz is crying about burritos again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
