My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
