My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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