party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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