My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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