Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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