nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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