you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You pole danced in your parka.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize