he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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