College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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