Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
