Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize