Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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