I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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