So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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