I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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