Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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