Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
