it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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