my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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