just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize