Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
