you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
