Having a random hookup so left but love u
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
