Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
