I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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