I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
