ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
