Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A bitchslap is in order.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
