Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
