all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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