i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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