some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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