Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
