She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
