Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
