I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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