I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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