onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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