you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
