final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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