Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
