Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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