did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
