I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
