i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
