I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
