so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
