So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
