It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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