im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
