Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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