Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Randomize
