everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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