You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
