The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
