we're blogging at a bar
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
