My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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