"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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