I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
