It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
