Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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