I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In other news, I just burned my penis
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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