I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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