I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
