i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
