Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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