just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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