so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
