No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
