She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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